Valentine Funk's bad day in 1904

First of all, Valentine Funk is a real name. In fact, I found multiple persons in history who have had that name.

Second of all, in doing one of my mostly aimless online searches, I came across this harrowing tale of Valentine Funk vs. The Spider, documented in the Philadelphia-area newspapers of June 1904...

The Morning Post (Camden, New Jersey), June 25, 1904

The Courier-Post (Camden, New Jersey), June 25, 1904

The Philadelphia Inquirer, June 26, 1904

Full disclosure: I'm fairly certain that I was also bitten on the face by a spider in the summer of 2004, almost exactly a century after Mr. Funk. The right side of my face was swollen a few days, although a trip to the doctor was not needed. And there were no newspaper headlines.